Thick Skinned

Well today was a very eventful day, if you call having to be in the hospital at 630 in the morning. Seeing as I have restarted this blog so many damn times that I might as well delve into the man that is my dad. My dad has been sick since I was born. Suffering from congested heart failure, asthma, diabetes,an enlarged heart, and being overweight he has never been a very healthy man. Ive seen pictures of him when he got married to my mom when they were in their mid 20's (he was very athletic looking). He actually gained weight because he got sick and had to be on (prenozone) for about 20 years (which made him gain weight like crazy). But ever since I was little I have always seen my dad coming in and out of the hospital. So today we had to go to the hospital super early in the morning and stupid me, I had about an hour of sleep. Basically my dad was going to the hospital to get a defibrillator for his heart because he has an enlarged heart and he has had heart-attacks in the past.

I have a question to ask because I feel out of place when I think about it. Is it cold for me not to feel anything when my dad goes into the hospital? My brother called me cold because I am not as emotional about my dad going into the hospital. I had to explain to him that the reason why I am not as emotional as him is because when I was growing up, it was normal for him to go into the hospital. And by him going into the hospital so many times I grew a thick skin. I mean I remember when I was a little kid I use to cry about it but now adays, it doesnt phase me. But this is where I feel conflicted because I don't know if its thick skin or am I really cold? My dad says that the reason I am this way is because my mom, when I was little, always went to my brother for emotional support and not me but I don't think that's the deal. I think its because it happens to many times that ive just grown accustomed to it. Personally, I think its just me being strong for my family. Because as a kid I came to the understand that I could lose my dad any day, any hour from now, or even a few mintues from now. So maybe I am just thick skinned, but atleast I wear my heart on my shoulder and I am glad I do.

Well we were at the hospital today until about 130 because my brother called my mother and I. He has been having car troubles for about a week now and now he said his car wasnt working again so we had to pick him up because he was going to work at around 3pm. Anywho thats been my day today, fun ain't it! -_-