Monday, December 29, 2008

2 AM

Wow... last night was huge.

Ok well, it started off with me laying down *nude* watching a movie or trying to watch a movie because I was sleepy as hell and not falling asleep. When... someone knocked on my door. Come to find out, the person behind the door was my mother. Ok let me explain something here. My mother and I have a good relationship, both of my parents. But in the rare occasions (which is like once every two years) she actually comes to my room to have a talk. Last night for me, was an eye opener.

Since coming out to my parents my mother seems to be the one who is most affected. So when she came into my room it surprised me when she told me that she was thinking about moving the family back to new york. I was speechless because I had plans in the future moving there once I got my life in order but I never thought it would be so soon. She explained that once we got our financial situation in order that she was thinking about moving there. She was also thinking about selling the house and moving into an old folks community. I asked her about why she wanted to move back to new york since she moved us from there when I was young. She was missing her sisters who live in New York and she wanted us to be around Family (all of my dad's family lives up there). She feels like I am lonely here (which is true). So all I could do to tell her was that moving to new york was a great idea but something we would have to do when our present financial situation is cleared. About her selling the house and moving to an old folks community, I told her whatever she thinks plausible I will agree on.

And then we started talking about my fiance who passed away a few days before my 19th birthday. She wanted to know how I met him and what not, just details here and there. Then she started spewing about the religion and bible crap which I just ignored (ive become really good at that). And then she started asking me about why I decided on becoming gay. I had to explain to her that being gay is not a decision, its how we are born. The only decision we have is being true to ourselves and living life happy or not and living a life of loneliness. She still thinks its a choice but I told her I understand what shes saying. She and my dad are not too hot about having a gay son but atleast, I still live at home and they still love me. I can say that I am lucky. Will I ever tell my brother I am gay, no. I believe the relationship between me and my brother is such a medieum as it is that my personal life is none of his business. Hopefully in the future my parents will feel better about my being gay... only time can tell. In the end I actually don't really care because after last night, my flame burns brighter then ever.

1 Comments:

Blogger Ryan said...

wow that is big news but your old enough now u can decided what 2 do for yourself and whats best for you ya know. oh the naked things and moms shit my mom seen me nakes so many times i cant even count weve always been open about nudity in my family so we never hade if from each other.

kisses

Tue Dec 30, 07:47:00 AM 2008  

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