Finding The Medium
Hey bloggers,
Excuse me if I don't exactly post alot today but I have just not been in the mood for anything. I don't know if its my depression or whatever I just don't know. I don't know if I told anyone but I have been diagonosed with depression ever since I was about 13. Some people don't really see it until I tell them I have it. People have told me that I seem very cheerful but that I guess is their opinion. I mean I am not depressed everyday its just that there are days that I just feel I cannot get by them quick enough. So I find what I call a medium on those days.
I may or may not have spoken about this but this is the 3rd year I lost my fiance and I still talk about it because it makes me feel better about it. I truthfully believe we as a people, never get over those we have lost. Especially, if they were ones we loved. I may say to people I am over the situation but truthfully I still mourn my ex fiance till this day, just not as bad as I use to. I find that we truely never get over the ones we love, we just continue to live our lives remembering what was and be thankful that life brought you two together.
Anywho, wow I thought this was going to be a sort post but I guess my mind is allowing me to type today. School is on hold for the meantime (winter break). I am at a big crossroads as to what the hell I want to do with my life. After I acheive my GED I want to go to college, but for what? For money, for love, or for an interest. My love would have to be writing and singing. While my interest would be a library (im there a hulluva lot). And for the money would have to be going to school to become a radiology tech. Which path am I suppose to choose?! I have no clue as to what I want to do. I want to follow my dreams and passions but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I don't want to give up at this at all. So maybe I should just take a few classes at the local community college until I make my mind up. Because giving up is not what I do. Its like going cold turkey on life, and thats just not acceptable.
Well moving on, I am still alone as alone can be. Atleast I have people I can speak to like my friend (ryan). I haven't spoken to my friend since thursday last week. The girl ditched me for her boyfriend about 3 times, wtf is that! I don't know what to think about this girl. We've been friends for about 4 years and it seems that she is always doing something to either piss me off or feel im not worth her time. Especially when shes in a relationship. I just dont like being brushed off and brought back in after shes been dumped or has left the person. Truthfully I feel like a third wheel and not a friend. But shes literally the only person outside of my house I talk to. I don't really know anyone else. I guess when I go to college I will meet people, who knows.
Only time will tell,
Angel
Excuse me if I don't exactly post alot today but I have just not been in the mood for anything. I don't know if its my depression or whatever I just don't know. I don't know if I told anyone but I have been diagonosed with depression ever since I was about 13. Some people don't really see it until I tell them I have it. People have told me that I seem very cheerful but that I guess is their opinion. I mean I am not depressed everyday its just that there are days that I just feel I cannot get by them quick enough. So I find what I call a medium on those days.
I may or may not have spoken about this but this is the 3rd year I lost my fiance and I still talk about it because it makes me feel better about it. I truthfully believe we as a people, never get over those we have lost. Especially, if they were ones we loved. I may say to people I am over the situation but truthfully I still mourn my ex fiance till this day, just not as bad as I use to. I find that we truely never get over the ones we love, we just continue to live our lives remembering what was and be thankful that life brought you two together.
Anywho, wow I thought this was going to be a sort post but I guess my mind is allowing me to type today. School is on hold for the meantime (winter break). I am at a big crossroads as to what the hell I want to do with my life. After I acheive my GED I want to go to college, but for what? For money, for love, or for an interest. My love would have to be writing and singing. While my interest would be a library (im there a hulluva lot). And for the money would have to be going to school to become a radiology tech. Which path am I suppose to choose?! I have no clue as to what I want to do. I want to follow my dreams and passions but it doesn't seem to be getting me anywhere. I don't want to give up at this at all. So maybe I should just take a few classes at the local community college until I make my mind up. Because giving up is not what I do. Its like going cold turkey on life, and thats just not acceptable.
Well moving on, I am still alone as alone can be. Atleast I have people I can speak to like my friend (ryan). I haven't spoken to my friend since thursday last week. The girl ditched me for her boyfriend about 3 times, wtf is that! I don't know what to think about this girl. We've been friends for about 4 years and it seems that she is always doing something to either piss me off or feel im not worth her time. Especially when shes in a relationship. I just dont like being brushed off and brought back in after shes been dumped or has left the person. Truthfully I feel like a third wheel and not a friend. But shes literally the only person outside of my house I talk to. I don't really know anyone else. I guess when I go to college I will meet people, who knows.
Only time will tell,
Angel
posted by ÅŽG€£ ©. at
4:43 PM
2 Comments:
so know this mood been there a lot myself ya know im always here if u need a ear. im still thinkin we need a nice stiff drink and the hottub and some candles should we were speedos or just do it in the nude? hehe
Don't give up on your dreams & passions. You can pursue them even while going to school or working to earn a living.
And have a very Merry Christmas, Angel !
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