The Big Gobble Gobble

Hey everyone,

Happy Thanksgiving (to people in the United States). Today we sit down to eat (only if your a meat eater)a nice big turkey and many many sides of yummy yummy food. For those less fortunate to not have a family to eat with I hope you have friends to enjoy this gracious time of year. Ive actually had the honors this year to cook EVERYTHING, which is ok with me. In any case I wish you all a happy thanksgiving and if your traveling, DRIVE SAFE.

Love n Peace to all and to all... well you know the rest.

Angel

Thick Skinned

Well today was a very eventful day, if you call having to be in the hospital at 630 in the morning. Seeing as I have restarted this blog so many damn times that I might as well delve into the man that is my dad. My dad has been sick since I was born. Suffering from congested heart failure, asthma, diabetes,an enlarged heart, and being overweight he has never been a very healthy man. Ive seen pictures of him when he got married to my mom when they were in their mid 20's (he was very athletic looking). He actually gained weight because he got sick and had to be on (prenozone) for about 20 years (which made him gain weight like crazy). But ever since I was little I have always seen my dad coming in and out of the hospital. So today we had to go to the hospital super early in the morning and stupid me, I had about an hour of sleep. Basically my dad was going to the hospital to get a defibrillator for his heart because he has an enlarged heart and he has had heart-attacks in the past.

I have a question to ask because I feel out of place when I think about it. Is it cold for me not to feel anything when my dad goes into the hospital? My brother called me cold because I am not as emotional about my dad going into the hospital. I had to explain to him that the reason why I am not as emotional as him is because when I was growing up, it was normal for him to go into the hospital. And by him going into the hospital so many times I grew a thick skin. I mean I remember when I was a little kid I use to cry about it but now adays, it doesnt phase me. But this is where I feel conflicted because I don't know if its thick skin or am I really cold? My dad says that the reason I am this way is because my mom, when I was little, always went to my brother for emotional support and not me but I don't think that's the deal. I think its because it happens to many times that ive just grown accustomed to it. Personally, I think its just me being strong for my family. Because as a kid I came to the understand that I could lose my dad any day, any hour from now, or even a few mintues from now. So maybe I am just thick skinned, but atleast I wear my heart on my shoulder and I am glad I do.

Well we were at the hospital today until about 130 because my brother called my mother and I. He has been having car troubles for about a week now and now he said his car wasnt working again so we had to pick him up because he was going to work at around 3pm. Anywho thats been my day today, fun ain't it! -_-

Jaded, jaded, jaded... i feel jaded.

I just love being jaded by people.

I will start off with the first person on the list and that would be my friend (who I will name soldier girl). I met soldier girl at a local bar doing kareoke through my best friend. Now I must say that when I met this girl and her sister I fell in love with them. They were such awesome, real people that I just wanted to get to know them so much more. In the beginning it was great. We went out maybe once a week or every other week doing karaoke and just enjoying each others company. I would talk to soldier girl over the phone maybe 3 times a week or less depending on her work schedule. And then there was nothing.

I have not received a phone call since the halloween party or even a messaging saying that it was fun having me there. It just seems that latey she has gone off the grid and didn't even bother calling me to say happy birthday to me which kind of hurt since it was my 21st. I can understand that all of her other friends have working vehicles or jobs when I don't have either. That I am not even financially capable I can understand whats going on. But it just seems that I am trying to make the relationship work and she just isnt trying. I don't know what to do.

And then theres Mark. Not marky mark but mark. We talked over the phone for about 2 months before we actually met. I have to say, I had a better time over the phone then in person. I loved alot of things about him but evendently it just seemed as if I wasn't good enough for him that he just decided to stop calling or even letting me know he was alive. He then tells me that I am not his type and thats why he stopped calling me. I found this all very funny seeing as I was just only looking for a friend while I guess he was looking for boyfriend material. Anywho, right now I feel kind of left out of his life. With not being able to see him since he lives all the way in middleburg and I in Jax, distance is not good between us. Plus it also sucks when he is in town but never stops by to say hi. I just feel that I got to know him really well and then as soon as he met me, everything changed for the worse. I know I am a big boy and ive overweight but hell, that shouldn't hinder anyone from communicating. I don't know if hes shallow or what not but I just kind of feel jaded in the end because hes not making the effort.

Personally, I feel kim is a friend since she does once in awhole say hey but Mark, not so much. I just think the relationship we had over the phone was awesome and once we met, he obviously didn't like what he saw. Oh well, I know im not eye candy but with my rockin personality, charm, and average looks I like im a beautiful person.

So fuck others who don't think so.

Angel

Why did you even bother opening your mouth.

Why do people even bother opening up their mouths. Let alone say anything. The other day a friend of mine was telling me about her boyfriend. Now before I go into detail on that one lets take alittle stroll down memory lane. I met her boyfriend about a month or so ago and he seemed like a really nice guy. Koodos for me, I always wait and see until the guy opens up and shows his true colors before I make my mind on the person. Well, the first night I met him he had this tendency to open his mouth about his culture. Now I am not against people having pride for their culture. In any case I think it is really healthy when it is kept to a minimum. But when someone bluntly states that their culture is better than all others (related) to their culture well... lets just say a pissing war will ensue.

Ok, so her boyfriend is Brazilian. I don't have anything against their people, and in any case I believe alot of them to be very sexy (heh). But infront of another person who is spanish, sas that your people (brazilians) are better than other people in every way shape or form... kinda makes you an asshole. IF YOU LIKE YOUR COUNTRY SO MUCH WHY THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE! So I figured he was either a racist or he was out trying to prove something in himself. It came clear to me after she told him she dated her friend (whos she's been friends with for over 9 yrs) is a mexican he got embarresed. I found out that the reason why he was embaressed is because hes mexican and he doesn't like mexicans (go figure). Everything came in place when I went out with her, her mexican friend, and her boyfriend. They both wouldn't talk to each other. Come to also find out that her mexican friend is jelious of the boyfriend because he wants her and doesn't really know how to tell her.

Anyway, her boyfriend is not only jelious but also a racist. Thank god my friend (the girl) is part portuguese (hes also half). I like the guy but I just think that he has ALOT of growing up to do. I also believe he is trying to prove to himself that he loves his culture when really, I don't think he likes being hispanic. I just find it sad that we have people out there who are racist against their own people (latino's in general). Hopefully she can sit both of them down and talk it out but it doesn't seem that way. My friend is the kind of girl who will hear the negatives and try to work with them rather than talk it out. Plus she falls in love wayyyy too quickly (like in one week or less).

Hopefully, she will come to understand that love takes time. And at 25, all I can do is hope.

Angel

Age Deficient

Kind of funny how time just seems to creep up on you and smack you in the head, thats what happened to me today. I TOTALLY FORGOT MY BIRTHDAY, how bad is that... Anywho I will be turning the big 21 this wed and I am happy and sad. Just thinking about the past few years of my life I have accomplished alot and have lost alot in return. Having really no love life or sex life for that fact sucks on soo many levels. I truthfully feel alone these days but somehow, I seem to keep myself moving. Hopefully this Wednesday I can enjoy turning 21 (without getting drunk). People always tell me I look younger than 21 so I guess thats ok. But as soon as I start talking people say I am 27 or 30 because of how mature I talk. Ive always had people saying that since I was about 16, oh well. All I can do is hope for tomorrow and hopefully soon, I will find someone.

I am going to leave you guys with a song that has touched my heart and I even cried abit. Im not usually into country music but when a song hits you, it hits you.

Martina McBride: Where Would You Be

I wonder where your heart is
'Cause it sure don't feel like it's here
Sometimes I think you wish
That I would just disappear
Have I got it all wrong
Have you felt this way long
Are you already gone

Do you feel lonely
When you're here by my side
Does the sound of freedom
Echo in your mind
Do you wish you were by yourself
Or that I was someone else
Anyone else

Where would you be
If you weren't here with me
Where would you go
If you were single and free
Who would you love
Would it be me
Where would you be

I don't wanna hold you back
No I don't wanna slow you down
I don't wanna make you feel
Like you are tied up and bound
'Cause that's not what love's about
If there's no chance we can work it out
Tell me now
Oh, tell me tell me now

Where would you be
If you weren't here with me
Where would you go
If you were single and free
Who would you love
Would it be me
Where would you be

Have I become the enemy
Is it hard to be yourself
In my company

Where would you be
If you weren't here with me
Where would you go
If you were single and free
Who would you love
Would it be me
Where would you be

oh, tell me, tell me now
where would you be,
where would you go, oh
who would you love
would it be me

One win, anothers loss, and another indecisive.

I am not going to write a huge post because its really late.

OBAMA HAS WON!

Amendment 2 in Florida looks like its going to pass. I am really upset about this because of the huge turnout of people voting in favor if it. I believe the reason why this amendment did pass is because everyone else backing up prop 8 in California and forgetting about the other bans against the marriage protection amendment. It sucks but hopefully the amendment will be anulled.

Proposition 8 in California is still being tallyed up. I will probably reply later when I hear more about it but right now the results are neck and neck. Hopefully, they will not pass prop 8 and gay marriage will stay legal in California.

Thats all for now, thank you all for voting.

Love n Peace,
Angel

The Turning Point

I have found it interesting that life has led me here of all places. I feel like my life has come to another crossroad and I am not sure where to turn. One has me wanting to become a novelist and possibly a screenplay writer. The other working in movie/tv production while also wanting to become an actor. I always stayed by this quote in which I made for myself to keep up my self esteem.

"Life is full of impossibilities, it is the possibilities you make that out way the other."

With coming to the edge of these two crossroads I feel more of a pull toward production and acting. But, I also feel the same pull toward writing. So what do I do. Do I pick and choose which I want or do I take them both on my journey. For now, I want to take them both but I will have to figure out how... In that area of my life it is complicated.

Ok heres where I rant about a couple of things. Why the hell is it that a well known college takes FOREVER to finally tell you that there is a class you can take that has everything you need instead of bits and pieces of the program. WTF!

Ok thats my rant lol. As far as right now I am dateless, loveless, and feeling alittle less loved. Seeing my friends with their significant other and myself not having anyone. I feel left out of love and sex. As far as sex goes, that hasn't happened in hell no's how long. It seems as soon as my fiance passed away, finding someone else has been like climbing a mountain all over again. Maybe someone will come my way and see me for me instead of most of the superficial assholes out there.

Love n Peace,
Angel