Insomnia Is A Bitch

Literally...




Hello bloggers,

Wow, it feels as if I haven't posted anything about my life in AGES! Sry! ^_^. Ive been having a really bad week of not feeling well. NO, I do not have swine flu or anything like that. My pills are just fuckin with me right now to the point where I am still awake when I have been awake since 8AM yesterday morning. Fun huh? Well ladies and gentleman, this is the problem that plagues my life.

Ive had this problem since I was about 13 years old. My Insomnia and anxiety have been a struggle most of my teen to young adult life. The reason why I am openly talking about my so called "issues" is because I am tired of being so closed lipped about it. I have been embarrassed for a long time about what I have... or so I told myself.

I have no idea how I got it into my head that talking about who I am as a person should be hush hush. Maybe its because my parents always telling me to be low key and don't cause attention. Feeling isolated inside a home where they only love half of you isn't a home at all but feels alot like purgatory. Like I am stuck in the middle.

But in anycase I want to say I am no longer ashamed of what I have. If you don't like what I have to say you can kiss my white ass. Yes I said white because the sun hasn't seen my ass in AGES!!! lol. Im not a big fan of the sun because of its damaging rays n anti-aging properties. I wanna to make sure my skin gets the best care I can give it. Its called taking care of yourself.

I hate it when people try to pegg me under a stereotype because its nearly impossible. Im a very unique individual with enough brains and insight in life that I am literally smart. Or so people tell me when I apply myself.

I seriously hate sitting here in bed staring at a computer screen that was given to me. Just like this dinky old computer that acts like its slowly dieing of old age or something. I have this other computer (my mothers old DEAD computer) that I need to get fixed (40 buck fix or so...). As always, I feel like the child whom no one really pays attention to. I feel shunned to the side like I am just a prop in someones life.

As you can tell or not.... I am actually ranting because I had to remind myself that all the bullshit I see and here needs to be released one way or another. Keeping it in is not good for the soul. So, I do what I do best and write down what I feel.
Easy as pie.

Have a nice Friday everyone! Mine will be full of boring innuendos.

By the way... isn't the guy in that picture cute! I like guys, bite me.

Poem: Broken Melody

Hey bloggers,

Thanks for commenting, I really appreciate it! I wrote this poem literally about a minute ago (2:40 AM) and I am impressed with how I expressed something that I have been dying to write about. This poem is something that hits home with me and I am happy that I could take the time to open up about it through poem. I hope you all enjoy it and I hope your week has been fun. Have a fun weekend and stay safe.

Broken Melody
By: ÅŽG€£ ©.

There are times
I open my eyes
And see the truth for what it is
This lie
This ball of confusion
Has left me unchained
Like a lullaby
I sing to myself
Soothing the pain you've caused
This emptiness where you use to be
Has left me unchained
Like a broken melody
Shattered on the floor
I pick up the pieces
And put them back together
Cracks n all
The memory is still there
And I still don't believe you
For these shattered pieces
Still hold its place
Within my soul
Forever
For you will never know
The pain
The confusion
The tears you've caused
These words will never be heard out loud
But forever these words will be
For these shattered pieces
Still hold the pain
That you will never know
Just another broken melody
In this beautiful messed up world

Happy October Everyone!

Wow,

Its finally October and I didn't even know it. Time always passes you by when you are not looking. Well I am trying to stay in a cheery mood today. One of my close friends ryan from boys are ugly but so cute . If you don't know him yet check him out. Hes one hulluva human being if I say so myself.

Ryan reminded me of a special holiday this month of October and that is Halloween. I LOVE HALLOWEEN! Its one of the most exciting holidays of the year. A time were we can be who we want to be and eat candy. Personally I hate candy but I must say, I do love chocolate. The only time I will really indulge on candy is on Halloween because I call that the yearly sugar boost lol.

I know candy is really bad for people but sometimes you can indulge alittle, even if its once a year right? I hope to have fun this Halloween. This will be my last year "hopefully" in Jacksonville. Yes folks. This young man is moving to Tampa FL! Woot Woot <- so corny I know lol

I never really knew where my life was leading me until I really took the time this summer to reflect on myself. I am happy to have spent the time researching what I want as a degree and not rushing my decision. I am proud of myself for wanting to go out more and meet new people. Because I want to be absolutely sure about my future. I'm goal oriented, bite me.

Love N Peace,
ÅŽG€£ ©.

Eternity (Old Poem)

I figured I would share an old peom of mine that I pulled up from out of no where. I hope you enjoy it, give your comments. I love to always hear feedback. Please support my site if you can't. Poems are a beauty art-form that should be expressed more often.

Thank you.

I'm Not Going Anywhere
Written:
April 14, 2008 12:46 A.M
By: ÅŽG€£ ©.

I'm trying to unravel
This feeling within me
Confused and distraught
Without an understanding of peace
Not knowing which step is which
Floating into the dismal place
I call eternity

Feeling not so sober
Not so much for awhile
Its not the alcohol
Its not the bubbly
Its this feeling inside
That cringes with unwillingness
With the inner bliss I use to know
Sobering in its risk

I don't know where I will land
If I fall or crawl is up to me
But I'm awake
I'm alive
I feel once more
I'm here
And by god
Eternity is just the beginning.



Check out Jennifer's Body, the movie. Its an awesome movie, check it out!.